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Brave Face

I recently texted a friend, “Ok. Brave face on. Counseling here I come.”  We discussed how counseling is a place for vulnerability and transparency. We talked about how scary those things are, and that it truly takes bravery to willingly put yourself in that posture knowing you may have to face some pieces of yourself you’d rather leave buried. Brave. Merriam-Webster defines it as, “having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty : having or showing courage.”  It says nothing of the absence of fear nor does it gloss over the real presence of danger or difficulty. In fact, the presence of fear or danger is necessary in order to be brave. I always think of a knight doing something daring or someone going into battle being brave. I don’t often associate bravery with day to day life, but, in this journey, it is such a huge part of making progress!  Without bravery, I would sit at home hopeless.  I would let the rage come and the fear that comes when I’m l
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Waiting...

"We aren't accepting new insurance patients," she said cheerfully.  Stunned, I asked, "Do you think any openings will come up for insurance patients any time soon?"  "No, ma'am," she replied, "we may not be taking new insurance patients for the next 12 months. This is the conversation I have had with multiple psychiatry clinics in our town.  I can really only muscle through one of these calls every few days because they just leave me feeling defeated and hopeless.  I finally scheduled an intake appointment with the only therapy center listed as covered on my insurance's website.  Even they had a two week wait for an intake appointment, and I could not schedule with their prescribing Nurse Practitioner (who sees patients via video chat) until after the intake confirmed that I do, in fact, need to see her.  That appointment was set for another four weeks out.   Mental healthcare is exhaustingly impossible to access, especially for so

We have to start somewhere...

So, here we go.   Who am I?  I'm a 34 year old wife of one amazing guy and  mother of 3 .  My kids are 5, 3, and 1.  My husband works swing shifts right now, so our schedules are pretty crazy.  I love Jesus, and I struggle with mental illness.  That doesn't make me less of a christian or have less faith than any other christian.  It does make it hard so me days to see the joy.  It does make it hard some days to feel like God cares, or anybody cares.  It makes me hold fast to what I KNOW is true about God even when it doesn't FEEL true.   I'm calling this "But A Dim Reflection."  That's from 1 Corinthians 13:12,  " Now we see but a dim reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  I tend to go back here when things get difficult.  I need the reminder that I do not see God fully nor do I see his plans fully.  I do not have the whole picture, but God does.  I